The Goldfarbs

Guest Book

Send us a story

Animal Links

Pet Profile

Animal Quiz


Coming soon!

The Goldfarbs

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 1: "He's Baaaack !!!"

As the scene opens, our golden family is eating a dinner of mashed, dried shrimp flakes...

HARRIET: "Yum! Now that's what I call a good dinner...shrimp!"

HARRY: "Yeah, right. It's always the same old thing."


Suddenly, there is a disturbance. A mysterious form emerges from the shrimp flakes floating above...

NEPTUNE: "Hi Mom and Dad! Mind if I munch on your shrimp flakes?"

HARRY: "Oy...What are you doing back home???"

NEPTUNE: "But Dad, I'm one of your 300 kids."

HARRY: "Yeah. One spawning season I wish I could forget."

HARRIET: "What's that supposed to mean???"

HARRY: (under his fish breath) "I better shut up...I've said too much."

HARRIET: "Son, are you feeling okay??? Are you eating okay???"

NEPTUNE: "I'm okay, I guess. It's just...out there in the real world I feel like I'm a little fish in a big pond. Here at home, I'm a big fish in a little pond."

HARRY: "No. You're a little fish in a little bowl!!!"

HARRIET: "Harry, you don't have to yell at him!"

HARRY: "Look son. We're only swimming around this planet for 280 days. You've got to make the most of every waking, waking hour."

NEPTUNE: (rolls eyes) "Gee Dad, thanks for being so supportive."

HARRY: "When I was a hatchling, I had a full-time job."

NEPTUNE: "Dad, you just don't understand. Things have changed."

HARRY: "The only thing that's changed around here is the water."

NEPTUNE: "Funny, Dad. Real funny."


In swims the daughter...NEPTUNA...

NEPTUNA: "Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Neptune?! What are you doing home? Aren't you supposed to be at fish school?"

NEPTUNE: "What do you care?"

HARRIET: "Neptune and Neptuna! I need you to help me clean up around here."

HARRY: "Oy...Neptuna! What are you doing?! Look at you! Fish hook in your stockings...where are you going looking like that ??? !!!"

NEPTUNA: "Daaad...I told you. I'm going to see that cool band, 'Oxygen Tank Love Affair.'"

HARRY: "'Oxygen Tank Love Affair'? Don't you like any of the classics like Elfish Presley? Now HE could sing."

NEPTUNE: "Elfish is a big, fat, stinking whale."

HARRIET: "Neptune! Wash your mouth out with soap."

NEPTUNE: "I've had it up to my gills with this family!"

NEPTUNA: "I'm with you. I'm going to the concert."

HARRY: "Oy weh. I'm going to read the newspaper."

(SPLASH!) the concert...

NEPTUNA: "Wow! They can really rock!"

(Announcer): A big fish swims up...

BIG FISH: "Hey, what's a cute little cod like you doing in a place like this?"


NEPTUNA: "Look! It's a piranha! We gotta get out of here!"



Will Neptuna be a morsel for a piranha ???


Will Harry make Neptune leave home ???


Will Neptune return to his school of fish ???


Will Harriet confront the hidden, dark secret

of her intense attraction to a lobster ???

Tune in next time for another exciting episode of THE GOLDFARBS.

Episode 2: "Sorry, shrimp."

PIRANHA: Hey honey, so what if I am a piranha? You a vegetarian or somethin'?

NEPTUNE: You leave my sister alone, you little shrimp.

PIRANHA: Who you callin' shrimp, shark bait?

NEPTUNA: Stop it, you guys! Neptune, he hasn't done anything yet.

NEPTUNE: Yeah, well, he's not going to get a chance. What would mom and
pop say if you came home with piranha bites on your gills, huh?

PIRANHA: Aw gee, I just wanted to say hi; I think you're the cutest
little fish here.

NEPTUNA: Really?

PIRANHA: Yeah. Us piranhas never get any breaks. We're outsiders,
rebels...we're so misunderstood.

NEPTUNA: Wow, I had no idea.

NEPTUNE: Well don't start getting any!

PIRANHA: Say pal, you just don't understand fish like me. Why,
underneath all these teeth is a heart of gold.

NEPTUNE: Yeah, but whose?

NEPTUNA: Gee, I've never met anyone like you!

PIRANHA: So what do you say we get together for a little bite?


PIRANHA: I mean go out or something. I know a great little place called
"The Bait Shack" not far from here. My name's Pierpont, by the way, but
my friends call me Pier.

NEPTUNA: Well...okay, Pier!

NEPTUNE: No way! What, are you crazy?

NEPTUNA: (defiantly) I like him...he's different!

NEPTUNE: I'll say he's different...look at the way he's smiling at you.
He must have a hundred teeth!

NEPTUNA: He's just being friendly. Besides, you can't tell me what to do.

NEPTUNE: Aw, quit acting like a spoiled guppy.

NEPTUNA: That's it! Come on, Pier, let's go.

PIER: See ya later, gator!

NEPTUNE: Who are you calling a gator? Oy, what will I tell mom and pop?
Will Neptuna end up paying for dinner...with her life?
Is Pier really the nice, misunderstood fish he claims to be.. or a loan
shark in disguse?
And what about Neptune? Will Harry and Harriet hold him responsible for
the fishy circumstances?
-Check out the next exciting episode of ...THE GOLDFARBS

What do YOU think will happen??? Help us write THE GOLDFARBS.

Send your ideas to The Animal Channel.




Snail Mail
The Animal Channel
P.O. Box 19011
Jacksonville, FL 32245
Phone: (904) 346-3452