As the scene opens, our golden family is eating a dinner of mashed, dried shrimp flakes...
HARRIET: "Yum! Now that's what I call a good dinner...shrimp!"
HARRY: "Yeah, right. It's always the same old thing."
Suddenly, there is a disturbance. A mysterious form emerges from the shrimp flakes floating above...
NEPTUNE: "Hi Mom and Dad! Mind if I munch on your shrimp flakes?"
HARRY: "Oy...What are you doing back home???"
NEPTUNE: "But Dad, I'm one of your 300 kids."
HARRY: "Yeah. One spawning season I wish I could forget."
HARRIET: "What's that supposed to mean???"
HARRY: (under his fish breath) "I better shut up...I've said too much."
HARRIET: "Son, are you feeling okay??? Are you eating okay???"
NEPTUNE: "I'm okay, I guess. It's just...out there in the real world I feel like I'm a little fish in a big pond. Here at home, I'm a big fish in a little pond."
HARRY: "No. You're a little fish in a little bowl!!!"
HARRIET: "Harry, you don't have to yell at him!"
HARRY: "Look son. We're only swimming around this planet for 280 days. You've got to make the most of every waking, waking hour."
NEPTUNE: (rolls eyes) "Gee Dad, thanks for being so supportive."
HARRY: "When I was a hatchling, I had a full-time job."
NEPTUNE: "Dad, you just don't understand. Things have changed."
HARRY: "The only thing that's changed around here is the water."
NEPTUNE: "Funny, Dad. Real funny."
In swims the daughter...NEPTUNA...
NEPTUNA: "Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. Neptune?! What are you doing home? Aren't you supposed to be at fish school?"
NEPTUNE: "What do you care?"
HARRIET: "Neptune and Neptuna! I need you to help me clean up around here."
HARRY: "Oy...Neptuna! What are you doing?! Look at you! Fish hook in your lip...fish-net stockings...where are you going looking like that ??? !!!"
NEPTUNA: "Daaad...I told you. I'm going to see that cool band, 'Oxygen Tank Love Affair.'"
HARRY: "'Oxygen Tank Love Affair'? Don't you like any of the classics like Elfish Presley? Now HE could sing."
NEPTUNE: "Elfish is a big, fat, stinking whale."
HARRIET: "Neptune! Wash your mouth out with soap."
NEPTUNE: "I've had it up to my gills with this family!"
NEPTUNA: "I'm with you. I'm going to the concert."
HARRY: "Oy weh. I'm going to read the newspaper."
Meanwhile...at the concert...
NEPTUNA: "Wow! They can really rock!"
(Announcer): A big fish swims up...
BIG FISH: "Hey, what's a cute little cod like you doing in a place like this?"
(SPLASH! CRASH! SCREAMS!)
NEPTUNA: "Look! It's a piranha! We gotta get out of here!"
Will Neptuna be a morsel for a piranha ???
Will Harry make Neptune leave home ???
Will Neptune return to his school of fish ???
Will Harriet confront the hidden, dark secret
of her intense attraction to a lobster ???
Tune in next time for another exciting episode of THE GOLDFARBS.
Episode 2: "Sorry,
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